Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.

Most relationship problems involve relatively simple differences in preferences or conflicting styles of communication. Typically, better understanding is the key to making the relationship healthier. But, on the other hand, there are some personality styles that just don’t mix in a relationship. Really, to put it plainly, these opposing personality styles simply cannot communicate. To make matters worse, much of the time these opposing personality styles are mutually attracted. Initially, disparate styles can lead to incredible excitement. In the long run, however, many people wonder how they could have ever gotten involved. They often become so miffed by their partner’s infuriating habits that they can’t imagine how it would be possible to overcome their current conflicts. Basically, there are three primary levels of character style that correspond to three levels of personality development, the "Responsible," the "Independent/Passionate," and the "Hungry/Controller" (In this article, I refer to certain types in the male or female form for convenience and clarity, but all types can be either male or female).

The "Responsible" individual's main motivation in life is to avoid deeply hurting those they love (through taking care of every possible daily concern and/or through always looking for ways to help – both of these types are often perceived to be perfectionistic, controlling, and/or patronizing and have great overlap with the Obsessive Compulsive Personality – see article in section IV)...

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