Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.

322 Stephenson Avenue, Ste B
Savannah, GA 31405

ph: 912-352-2992
fax: 912-352-3447

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  • Advanced Praise for The Emotional Toolbox
  • Praise for Dr. Bochner's Previous Book
  • Newsletter
  • Testimonials
  • New Book - "The Emotional Toolbox: A Manual for Mental Health"
  • Table of Contents from "The Emotional Toolbox"
  • Articles for IndividualsClick to open the Articles for Individuals menu
    • Section 1 - Getting You Working Well
    • You Need to Know You're Great
    • Changing Our Past Adaptation For Our Future
    • Balance and the Motivation to Change
    • Undoing the Troubled-Past/Troubled-Future Dilemma
    • The Importance of Growth
    • Section 2 - Development: Troubleshooting for Wear and Tear
    • Low Self-Esteem and Its Connection to Cognitive Dissonance
    • How Identical Circumstances Lead to Opposite Personalities
    • Creating Strength From Weakness
    • Loss and Hope
    • Section 3 - Living: Your Everyday Maintenance in Interaction
    • Criticism and Us
    • Balancing the Animal and the Spiritual
    • The Power and Control Addiction
    • Understanding Boundaries
    • The Failure of Empathy in Everyday Life
    • The Crippling Effects of Worry
    • Section 4 - Tools: Caring for You and Your Communication with Others
    • Breathe!!!
    • Be Your Own Best Friend
    • The "Big What If..." - Stress Management for Tough Times
    • The Writing Cure (for Sleep or Trauma)
    • Assertiveness: The 30% Solution
  • Articles for CouplesClick to open the Articles for Couples menu
    • Section 5 - Can Two Parts Beat as One?
    • Women and Men
    • The Three A's of Relationship: Acceptance, Accommodation, and Assertiveness
    • Connection and Independence
    • Understanding Personality Styles in Couples
    • Section 6 - New Cars, Fast Cars, Backfires and Crashes
    • The Dating Fantasy
    • Sex is Not a Drive, It's Just Real Important
    • Affairs and Divorce
    • Section 7 - Tools for Making Yourself Fully Understood
    • Communication From the Heart
    • Key Signals - The Key to Jump Starting Change in Relationships
    • "I" Statements
  • Articles for FamiliesClick to open the Articles for Families menu
    • Section 8 - Family Relations
    • From Id to Family System or The Id is the Engine in the Great Life Machine
    • Emotional Space
    • Section 9 - Parenting
    • The Essentials of Parenting
    • Who's to Say What's "Right" in Parenting?
    • You Don't Know How Much They Love You
    • Section 10 - Building Good Kids
    • From Materialism to Integrity: The Building Blocks of the Healthy Human Structure
    • Freedom and Responsibility
    • Bullying
    • "Be A Man"
    • It Must be Hard to be a Girl
    • Section 11 - Using Discipline
    • Leaks in Discipline
    • The "Satisfaction Meter"
    • It's So Hard to be Bad: So For Heaven's Sake, Just Be Good!
    • Good Discipline for Acting Out Kids
    • Sample Reward System
  • Articles on Psychological DiagnosesClick to open the Articles on Psychological Diagnoses menu
    • Section 12 - Major Diagnoses
    • Depression
    • Anxiety
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Psychotic Disorders
    • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
    • Attention Deficit (Hyperactivity) Disorder (ADD or ADHD)
    • Section 13 - Personality Diagnoses
    • Histrionic Personality Disorder
    • Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorder
    • Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    • Borderline Personality Disorder
    • Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
    • The Other Personality Disorders
    • Section 14 - Addictions
    • Addiction: A Relationship to Remember
    • Codependency

Understanding Personality Styles in Couples

 

Most relationship problems involve relatively simple differences in preferences or conflicting styles of communication. Typically, better understanding is the key to making the relationship healthier. But, on the other hand, there are some personality styles that just don’t mix in a relationship. Really, to put it plainly, these opposing personality styles simply cannot communicate. To make matters worse, much of the time these opposing personality styles are mutually attracted. Initially, disparate styles can lead to incredible excitement. In the long run, however, many people wonder how they could have ever gotten involved. They often become so miffed by their partner’s infuriating habits that they can’t imagine how it would be possible to overcome their current conflicts. Basically, there are three primary levels of character style that correspond to three levels of personality development, the "Responsible," the "Independent/Passionate," and the "Hungry/Controller" (In this article, I refer to certain types in the male or female form for convenience and clarity, but all types can be either male or female).

The "Responsible" individual's main motivation in life is to avoid deeply hurting those they love (through taking care of every possible daily concern and/or through always looking for ways to help – both of these types are often perceived to be perfectionistic, controlling, and/or patronizing and have great overlap with the Obsessive Compulsive Personality – see article in section IV)...

 

 

For the complete article, please buy The Emotional Toolbox book.

 

Copyright 2010 Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.  All rights reserved.  Material provided on this web site is for educational and/or informational purposes only.  This web site does not offer either online services or medical advice.  No therapeutic relationship is established by use of this site.

322 Stephenson Avenue, Ste B
Savannah, GA 31405

ph: 912-352-2992
fax: 912-352-3447