Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.

"Be a man!" Now that’s a phrase that brings up all sorts of feelings. Typically when it’s said, "be a man" is said as an insult. But what does it really mean? Is a "real man" someone who is always strong, someone who never wavers in his views or opinions? Is a "real man" a good provider, a person who fiercely protects his family from danger? Is a "real man" tender and forgiving, an emotional support for his family for whom he provides strength and encouragement? What is a "real man?"

Perhaps by exploring the feelings conjured up by the statement, "be a man," some light can be shed upon the importance of understanding why the statement is so much a part of our culture. It has many forms, such as "don’t be a girl," "you're gay," "don't be a sissy," "don't get your panties in a knot," and there are many, many more. The statement likely has different meanings, depending on who is making the statement to whom. It means one thing if it is a guy’s buddies, challenging him to do something daring or possibly ill-advised. "Be a man" means something quite different if it is said by a father or a mother. Parents who say this sort of thing are often trying to make a boy act more masculine or take more responsibility. However, one commonality seems to exist no matter who is making the statement. Whoever makes the statement, "be a man," is uncomfortable with what the target person is doing, and is attempting to get him to do something, or be a certain way, that is not natural for him...

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