Daniel A. Bochner, Ph.D.

You need to know you're great! People often don't understand what it means to have good self-esteem, but it really all comes down to that. You should feel like you are a great person. Yes, I mean really, really great. You may feel that sounds silly or simplistic, and you'd be right if you said feeling that you're great is not the easiest goal to accomplish, but people with healthy self-esteem really do feel that they are great.

And I do mean "healthy" self-esteem. So now you're probably concerned that I'm telling people to become self-centered jerks, or that they should think of themselves as better than everyone else. In response, I need to make one thing perfectly clear. I do not think you should think you're greater than others. You just need to think you're great.

In fact, the way you prevent yourself from becoming some selfish maniac is by knowing that you're not greater than anyone else (please see article, "From Materialism to Integrity: The Building Blocks of the Healthy Human Structure"). You should know you're better at some things and not as good at others. You should know you can learn a lot, no matter how studied you might be... and so can everyone else. You need to know you're a work in progress and that you need to keep working on yourself, but you also need to know you're great. You are great because of who you are, and because there is only one you.

This might sound funny, but you are not greater than anyone else just because you're beautiful. You are not greater than anyone else just because you have a bunch of money. You are not greater than anyone else because you have attained more education, or because people think you're great, or even if you have spent your life doing "good works." You are not greater than anyone else. Everyone is equal! And everyone should know they're great.

As a matter of fact, everyone is equally important, too. You are every bit as important as anyone else. Now, I am not saying that a completely unproductive person is equally important to society as the President of the United States. But I can tell you this, on a daily basis this seemingly unproductive person is more important to himself than is the President. The same is true for you. On a daily basis, you have far more impact on your life than does the President. Isn't that right? Then certainly, from your perspective, you are more important to you than is the President. And if you know you're great, and you know you're important, then that tends to be enough to make you a productive member of society, too.

For the remainder of this article, please buy The Emotional Toolbox book.